Weary But Willing

Have you ever been to the beach and found yourself stuck in a barrage of oncoming waves? Unable to catch your footing or your breath before another wall of water knocks you over? It’s a debilitating combination of fear and exhaustion.

I’m in a season that feels like a perpetual turnstile of wave after wave pushing me into the rough sand with just enough breath to survive another jaunt to the surface. A husband working out of town full-time for going on nine months), up to 2-hours of a commute every day, an illness of a parent that left me worried more than I realized, and now a move back across the country planned for the end of the summer. Packing our household up on my own, managing a super full summer of camps and activities for my daughter, fitting in time with family and friends before we leave, finding a new job. And writing this novella that’s been in the works for months now and is due to my editor in ONE MONTH.

I can’t catch my breath.

Today while sharing with some friends about the struggle to write a story that just isn’t coming to me (in the little amount of time I have), I wrote something that stopped me in my tracks. I’m weary, but I’m willing.

Woah. God doesn’t expect me to have it all together. In fact, just the opposite. 

He wants me to come to Him with my exhaustion, loneliness, uncertainty of the future, and over-committed schedule and let him carry it. I also bring him my willingness. I’m willing to do the hard work. I’m willing to welcome Him as my guide and partner. I’m willing for Him to use my writing to tell even one person about His truth and love. 

During this season that our family has been living apart, we’ve adopted the motto “We can do hard things!” It’s a quick reminder that we are bendable but not breakable. If you need proof that God gets it — understands what we often go through on this side of heaven — just consider some of the most recognizable Bible verses:

“I can do all things through Christ who strengths me.” – Philippians 4:13

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, I you will not drown.” – Isaiah 43:2

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

“Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

My draft is due to my editor on June 7. So, I’m working on a writing schedule for the next month. It will mean pushing myself to some limits. Late nights. Saying no to other things. Asking my daughter for extra patience and independence. But we can do hard things.

You can do hard things, too. God is there to take the burden when the waves crash in and steal your breath. He will  not let us break.

Amen!